- A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal. As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, “Do you always have beautiful women falling at your feet?”
上下班高峰期，我奔向纽约大中央车站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位丰满的中年妇女从后面冲了过来，没站稳四脚朝天地滑倒在光滑的大理石地面上。她的冲击力使她滑到我的跟前。我正要扶她，却被她抢了先。她故作镇定地朝我眨眨眼，说道，“你经常让漂亮的女士拜倒在你的跟前，是吗？”
- I Can’t Let Him Get Away
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can’t let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. “What happened?” she asked, “You used to walk straight before we were married.”
“Oh, honey,” he replied, “I can’t drink that much every day.”
一只公蟹遇到一只母蟹，便问她可以不可以嫁给他。她注意到他直着走路而不是横着。哇，她想，这只公蟹真是特别，我不可以错过他。所以，他们当即就结婚了。
第二天，她发现她的新婚老公跟其他所有的螃蟹一样也是横着走路了，她很失落。“发生了什么？”她问，“我们结婚之前，你可是直着走路的。”
“噢，亲爱的，”他回答道，“我不能每天都醉成那样。”
- Three Rats
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says,”I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of poison!”
The second says,”Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!”
Then the third rat gets up and says,”Later guys, I’m off home to harass the cat.”
三只老鼠正坐在酒吧吹嘘着自己的勇敢和强壮。第一只说，“我是如此强壮，我曾经吃掉一整袋老鼠药！”
第二只说，“好吧，我是如此强壮，我曾经被困在老鼠夹里，然而我却咬开了它。”
这时第三只老鼠站了起来说，“伙计们，我一会儿就离开家去骚扰那只猫。”
- Purpose of the Dog
A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another,”he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly,”to find the fire hydrant.”
一个周日学校的工作人员开着一辆载满孩子的车送他们回家。这时一辆消防车开过。消防车前面的座位上坐着一只达尔马提亚狗。孩子们开始讨论这只狗的职责。
“他们用它来隔离人群，” 一个孩子说。
“不，”另一个说，“它只是幸运符。”
第三个孩子的话结束了这场讨论。“他们用这些狗，”她坚定的说，“是为了找到消防栓。”
- Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed, “What’s the bad news?” With concern, the gallery owner replied, “The guy was your doctor.”
一位画家问画廊老板，最近是否有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息，”老板回答道。“好消息是有一位绅士咨询你的画，他想知道你死后你的画是否会升值。当我告诉他会的，他就把你15幅画全买下了。”
“太棒了！”画家惊叫道，“那坏消息呢？”老板弱弱地回答道，“那个买画的是你的医生。”