- A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal. As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, “Do you always have beautiful women falling at your feet?”
- I Can’t Let Him Get Away
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can’t let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. “What happened?” she asked, “You used to walk straight before we were married.”
“Oh, honey,” he replied, “I can’t drink that much every day.”
- Three Rats
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says,”I’m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of poison!”
The second says,”Well I’m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!”
Then the third rat gets up and says,”Later guys, I’m off home to harass the cat.”
- Purpose of the Dog
A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another,”he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly,”to find the fire hydrant.”
- Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed, “What’s the bad news?” With concern, the gallery owner replied, “The guy was your doctor.”